dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
