I'm jealous of your bromance
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
