I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
