I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
