We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
