my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
