its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
