your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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