I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
