i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
