I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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