So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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