You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
