fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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