I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
