he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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