you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
