Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Lo siento on account of my penis...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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