Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
