Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She bit a glass in half.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
