I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
