Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
