I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
