Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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