Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
