apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When are your genitals available?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
