i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
