Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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