I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
