can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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