I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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