Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
