The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
