I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
