I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
they're like a gay fantastic four
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My ass is underappreciated
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
