I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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