okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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