this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
