I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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