I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
