i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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