she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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