Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
