I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
