I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just pee around me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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