how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
