glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
