I cockslap morals
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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