Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
