I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
